23 June 2008
h/t to Chuck Z
18 June 2008
16 June 2008
11 June 2008
FB: "Mom? Do you like nipples?"
Me: "What?!" (Good thing I have filters in place and they are high functioning, otherwise FB might know more about what I think of nipples than he should)
"Nipples. Do you like them?"
"What are you talking about?"
"These magical creatures."
"You call them Nipples?!"
"No, that's their name. See?" (FB pulls up a character list. It's a Harry Potter game.)
"Okay, those are Nifflers. Completely different."
07 June 2008
My dear vet was not impressed with CFH's health history and informed me I was going to have to do some behavior therapy combined with aromatherapy and maybe some exorcism. "But we'll test his urine just to be sure." Testing his urine turned into gassing him, a bladder irrigation, some subcutaneous fluid replacement, and other sundry activities resulting in a charge of $275. (My dad's reaction? "It wouldn't have cost me $275." Yes, Daddy, and how much do hollow points run these days?) The kicker of this whole experiment is that CFH required some medications, one of which is available only through a human pharmacy. He was to get the half the usual dosage twice a day. Unfortunately, the pharmacy wont make 1/2 dosage capsules. Thus, my vet gave me (okay, SOLD me) some gel caps to divide the pills. The vet tech even gave me pointers: "You can use a credit card to divvy it up." Now I see myself red eyed and sweaty, separating this white, powdery medication like some kind of kitty dope pusher, rolling up Monopoly money for CFH to snort the precise lines. I decided to just pull the capsules apart and pour the stuff into the gel caps until it looked as if equal amount were in each. Two problems. The first being, this stuff doesn't pour and the second being these are tiny little gelatin capsules and it would take someone with far less caffeine on board than I to do this without making a mess. As it was I had more visions of little kitty cocaine vials, and wondered where I could get coke spoons that small. Not to mention how would he use them as he lacks opposable thumbs?
My days are now spent grabbing the poor feline out from whatever dark, inaccessible haven he has stashed himself, prying his maw with it's glistening fangs wide open and shooting these meds down his throat without getting sliced by the vegematic back claws while dodging the dog's inquisitive nose into CFH's nether regions. You can't say my life is boring.
01 June 2008
"Mom! When are you going to find someone else to marry you? Daddy's in HEAVEN!"
(Said with a tone of voice that implies I'm going to have run some poor guy down like a steer, wrestle him to the ground, and shoot him full of hallucinogens in order to hook him up with me and distract me from SoS's activities. He's been feeling the heat A LOT this week. )
Laughing hysterically, "I'll see what I can do about that, dude."
Completely off topic, but still funny: