23 June 2012

Of course, our first day of summer vacation was spent cleaning the house...my children love me Bwhahahahahaa!

22 June 2012

My (work) Life in Vignettes

A co-worker showed this to me and now I am a tumblr subscriber solely for this blog.

They are all hilarious but check out putting a foley in a woman for the first time, driving a stretcher, and hanging blood.


 Last Wednesday I didn't have to go in to work until 1100, so I was home to send my children off to school.  Wednesday's, in our district, are "collaboration days" where school starts an hour late so the teacher's can plan for the week, get caught up on work, and get together to brainstorm.  Or goof off and smoke reefer, I don't know.  On one hand, it has cut down on the amount of full days the kids are out of school for teacher workshop days.  On the other, they still had it this week,  it was the last week of school,  the last day of school was Thursday and  only a half day, and what the hell?  Don't get me started.  This is actually not the story of today's message.  The story is this:

I blearily came downstairs, let the dogs out, and started breakfast for the kids, since I was actually there to feed them breakfast.  FB was already downstairs, dressed and ready to go.  As was SoS, but he was asleep on the couch and had been when FB came down.  No idea how long the kid had been there since it was barely 7 am, I don't sleep all that well, and I know I was awake at 0600.  Whatever.  Still not the point.  After FB ate breakfast and went upstairs to brush his teeth, the dogs were ready to be let in.  I let in that freak of nature Labrador, and he immediately ran to FB's book bag and started rummaging around like a prize winning truffle hunting pig.  I walked over to find out what the deal-e-o was and he pulls two pieces of pizza out of this book bag. What the frick-a-frack-a-bunny-a-cracka? As I beat back this dog, FB comes downstairs.
Me: "Dude, why is there pizza in your bookbag?"
FB  "I wanted some for lunch."
Me:  "That's fine.  But a) you need to ask first; I would have let you and b) wrap it or put it in some kind of container!"

Yes, folks, my 13 year old son just shoved unwrapped pizza into his book bag along with what ever binders, textbooks, and whatever random homework he had to turn in for the rest of the year.  Good thing the last days of school are a complete waste of time

13 June 2012

Okay. First, at least they are getting some exercise. Second, damn. I don't know if it's hilarious, disturbing, sad or a mixture of all three. I'm leaning toward the latter.

08 June 2012

After ten years in this house, the need to refurbish and repair is starting to make itself known.  The facing boards on my deck, being placed by the world's most incompetent  contractor, have been refurbished as much as they possibly can, and are now on the "replace." list.  My father,  the only one I know with a truck that I can borrow, has recently finished his consulting job and is actually around so I can borrow said truck.  Fortuitous.  Of course, the exact time when I decide I absolutely must have those boards today,  without fail, otherwise my life will lose all meaning, my parents have taken a trip out of state to pick up car parts. With the truck.  I pulled the third row seating out of the Planet Killer when my BFF's son did my brake job and mounted my new tires (3 months ago) and if I fold up the second row seating, I've got about six feet of cargo space.  Nearly as good as a truck, I say to myself.  So, I toddle off to Home Depot (also known as the House of Orgasmic Bliss.  Seriously, I've come really close to having a moment in the power tools section. Yeah, I'm not much of a girl.), to pick up my 48 total board feet of lumber, sawhorses (cuz I need 'em), primer, paint, and whatever else strikes my fancy for this little project.  Did you know that an unaccompanied chick in a section of Home Depot most chicks don't frequent by themselves are viewed as interlopers?  Or, at least, that's the vibe (heh) I got.  It was bad enough getting the lumber (and loading eight 2x10x8s onto my cart by myself?!? what kind of freak am I?), but when I went into the hardware aisle to look for tie downs, good grief, you would have thought I figured out the secret handshake and moved into the He-Man Woman Hater's Club.  Of course, I could be wrong.
I'm going to demand a recall on my children.  There is a manufacturing defect that directly impacts their functionality.  Some virus that inhibits the respect and obedience programming is my guess.  Which also enhances the what-the-fuck-were-you-thinking behavior. Sad that you can't rely on quality workmanship anymore.  And I'm pretty sure the warranty is expired.  *sigh*