30 January 2010

Saturday Night Special: Simply Radishing

Saturday Night Special: Simply Radishing
Nothing quite like a man in a banana hammock flaunting his produce
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26 January 2010

22 January 2010

Havin' a Serious Chris Isaak Jones



Okay, call me crazy, but his voice combined with his face does things to me that are illegal in some countries. And this video is a trifle hot.

I Didn't Know You Needed a Specific Room

engrish funny impregnation room
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20 January 2010

I was chivvying SoS into getting ready for bed tonight as his brother walked by on his way to the shower, naked as usual, and Sos said, "Mom, has FB has penis hair!"

Yeah, dude I know.

"Why does he have penis hair?"

Because that's what happens when you get older.

"So, when he gets to be your age will he get square pecs?"

Where the hell does he get this stuff??
A little explanation from TYWKIWDBI about why relief planes are being turned away from the Haiti airport Read that again: 600+ take offs and landings daily at a strip that usually has 3, with no control tower and only radio (no radar or computers) on the ground and hardly any room to put those planes when they get there. Any idea how big a C-130 or a C-17 is?

They are doing the best they can folks. As now that they have secured areas for supply drops (needed so as many people can get as many supplies as possible with as few injuries, lootings, and deaths as possible) the Air Force has started dropping water and food in Haiti along with the what is already coming in on relief planes.

Since It Is That Time of The Year

political pictures for your blog
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Just buy the damn Thin Mints and a box of Samoas; we'll call 'er good!

(Please do not hassle me about "aggressive" being misspelled. I didn't make the damn thing! Of course, I noticed it!)

Union Humor

horse stuck in a well
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18 January 2010

Apparently, when you are getting beat like a dog in triage and a coworker asks if she can help you out, replying "That would be great; I've got sterile specs out my ass" can be considered offensive or unprofessional to some.  I figure if you've known me longer than 30 minutes, you know to tune me out unless I specifically say your name.  Saves an ass load of angst all around.

My brother-in-law, who is basically SoS 40 years from now, took the boys to Monster Jam this weekend.  The BIL had the following conversation with FB:

BIL  "Your mom has her hands full.  Does she beat SoS?"

FB  "Oh, yeah!  Every day!"

Nice.  Now my own flesh and blood is spreading lies about me.  Children that I suckled at my breast far longer than my grandmother thought acceptable (meaning it was longer than 15 seconds: "shouldn't that boy be eating solid food by now?  Grandma, he's a week old, he doesn't even have teeth.  Well, he needs to get off that tit; get him a bottle"  Jeez, ya nazi!) offered me up at the altar of child protective services referrals for a t-shirt and all the junk food they could eat.

I was on the phone the other day with Dear Friend married to the Senior Chief and in the middle of our conversation said, "Oops.  I just put a foot mask on my hands instead of hand lotion"  She said, "eeeeewww"  My response was,  "It could have been worse; it could have been Astroglide."  Or pepper spray.

14 January 2010

Our floors are being replaced at work.  The carpet (who would put carpet in an L&D unit?  Oh, let me break my water right here.  Howzabout I blow chunks over here?  And why don't I trail blood off my bed as I hemorrhage down the hall to the OR?) is being replaced with a "laminate" flooring.  I say "laminate" as I have never seen legitimate laminate flooring that comes in rolls like cheap linoleum.  I'm just sayin'.  Of course, while the dudes are in the middle of this, and causing us to commit errors of omission because the fumes of the industrial strength adhesive that is being spread like so much cream cheese frosting on a red velvet cake is making us higher than meth addicts wish they could be, all hell broke loose.  I don't think I sat down for more than 20 minutes.  And not only were they not consecutive minutes, none of them occurred in a restroom.   No longer was the shortest distance between two points a straight line.  No, the shortest distance between two points took three flights of stairs and a crosstown bus.  So, I'm exaggerating, but it was nearly that convoluted.  On top of that I had a doctor prove, once more, that he thinks we are all retarded and couldn't find a cervix if our lives depended on it.  I checked this woman at 0730.  Her cervix was so closed you couldn't even imagine how the swimmers made it through to impregnate her in the first place.  Three hours later, when she is only contracting once every 15 minutes, fat man comes in, checks her and says, "She's 5 centimeters."  You lying sack o' shite!  I know you're lying!  And when I couldn't freaking find her cervix with a miner's helmet and a map an hour later, it just cemented the fact that he LIES!!  Phtttttpb! 

The Cat from Hell sat on my phone and dialed "666" with his butt.  That's how evil he is.

Word of Wisdom for the day:

"If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck."




09 January 2010

Saw a Chemistry.com ad that said, "Empower your love life."  My first thought was "Buy more vibrators?" 
Stolen one more time from Johnny Virgil!





I agree! Down with the pussification of vampires. I was always more into Spike anyway. He's snarky and sarcastic and has a bad Billy Idol quality.

08 January 2010

Driving Home from A Friend's Wrasslin' Meet

SoS:  "Mom?  Why was FB born first?"

Me:  "He just was; it's the way things worked out."

SoS:  "Ohhh, I think I know.  He found the hole first."

Me:  "What??" 

SoS:  "He found the hole you're borned out of first."

oooookay...