30 May 2010

The New Man In My Life

He's a sweet guy with a sweet face (although he looks like a crack head here).  His former family didn't do much with him besides housebreak him (thank you sweet little 8 lb 7 oz Baby Jesus), teach him to sit, and crate train him.  He has very few social skills and less manners.   His favorite greeting is to give your salad a good toss.  Not fun.  But he does aim to please even if he won't come when you call him if you don't have a treat in your hand (found that out after chasing around the neighborhood for 15 minutes; definitely one of the top 5 on "what Dude needs to learn to get along with Big Momma Alpha Dog.")

His roommate is plenty pleased despite what he may look like in this picture:
Really, he's not sulking; he's exhausted and praying for bed.  They've been playing (and trying to establish dominance) non-stop since Friday night.  Poor Knucklehead McSpazatron is down right SEDATE at this point.  Right now Bugs is stretched out on the floor chasing dreams and Dude is crashed in his crate snoring like a band saw. Bwahahahahaaaaa!  "A tired dog is a good dog" is right!

This gentleman is not all that pleased with the recent turn of events:
As you can see, he is plotting my painful and violent death.  Actually, both boys (two legged as well as four) know who runs the joint, and are pretty cautious about making him really angry.  And he has yet to express his displeasure by pissing on the rug (cuz it really ties the room together), so I have no need to waterboard him into submission

27 May 2010

What Someone Would Have Said To Me Had They Overheard My Comment To SoS Today When He Got Off The Bus

"Why did you tell your sweet child he was acting like a jerk??"

"Because he's too young to tell him he's acting like an asshole." 

I don't have enough money to pay for the kind of therapy he would need for that.
Did you know what today is? It is the most awesomest anniversary on the planet! On today's date, in 1898, Pepsi was invented by a pharmacist in New Bern, NC (used to get into a lot of trouble not far from New Bern. Home of the first governor's residence, Tryon Palace.  [Been there more times than I can count.] There. There's your NC history lesson for the day.)

(Thanks to my old friend Herb from high school and his FB page for reminding me!  I must go give myself 40 lashes for being remiss)

Via Wikipedia, I found the old slogans.  Although, I always remember Laverne DeFazio and "If in heaven we don't meet, hand in hand we'll bear the heat. And if it ever gets too hot, milk and Pepsi hits the spot," I wish they still used  "Twice as Much for a Nickel" (compared to what, I have no idea) and "It's cheaper than Coke!"  Bwahahahaaaa!


  • 1939–1950: "Twice as Much for a Nickel"
  • 1950: "More Bounce to the Ounce"
  • 1950–1957: "Any Weather is Pepsi Weather"
  • 1957–1958: "Say Pepsi, Please"
  • 1958–1961: "Be Sociable, Have a Pepsi"
  • 1961-1963: "Now It's Pepsi for Those Who Think Young" (jingle sung by Joanie Sommers)
  • 1963–1967: "Come Alive, You're in the Pepsi Generation" (jingle sung by Joanie Sommers)
  • 1967–1969: "(Taste that beats the others cold) Pepsi Pours It On".
  • 1969–1975: "You've Got a Lot to Live, and Pepsi's Got a Lot to Give"
  • 1975–1977: "Have a Pepsi Day"
  • 1977–1980: "Join the Pepsi People (Feeling Free)"
  • 1980–1981: "Catch That Pepsi Spirit" [David Lucas, composer]
  • 1981–1983: "Pepsi's got your taste for life"
  • 1983: "It's cheaper than Coke!"
  • 1983–1984: "Pepsi Now! Take the Challenge!"
  • 1984–1991: "Pepsi. The Choice of a New Generation" (commercial with Michael Jackson and The Jacksons, featuring Pepsi version of Billie Jean)
  • 1984-1988: "Diet Pepsi. The Choice of a New Generation"
  • 1988-1989: "Diet Pepsi. The Taste That's Generations Ahead"
  • 1989-1990: "Diet Pepsi. The Right One"
  • 1989-1992: "Diet Pepsi. The Taste That Beats Diet Coke"
  • 1986–1987: "We've Got The Taste" (commercial with Tina Turner)
  • 1987–1990: "Pepsi's Cool" (commercial with Michael Jackson, featuring Pepsi version of Bad)
  • 1990–1991: "You got the right one Baby UH HUH" (sung by Ray Charles for Diet Pepsi)
  • 1990–1991: "Yehi hai right choice Baby UH HUH" (Hindi - meaning "This is the right choice Baby UH HUH") (India)
  • 1991–1992: "Gotta Have It"/"Chill Out"
  • 1992–1993: "Be Young, Have Fun, Drink Pepsi"
  • 1993–1994: "Right Now" Van Halen song for the Crystal Pepsi advertisement.
  • 1994–1995: "Double Dutch Bus" (Pepsi song sung by Brad Bentz)
  • 1995: "Nothing Else is a Pepsi"
  • 1995–1996: "Drink Pepsi. Get Stuff." Pepsi Stuff campaign
  • 1996–1997: "Pepsi:There's nothing official about it" (During the Wills World Cup (cricket) held in India/Pakistan/Sri Lanka)
  • 1997–1998: "Generation Next" - with the Spice Girls.
  • 1998–1999: "It's the cola" (100th anniversary commercial)
  • 1999–2000: "For Those Who Think Young"/"The Joy of Pepsi-Cola" (commercial with Britney Spears/commercial with Mary J. Blige)
  • 1999-2006: "Yeh dil maange more" (Hindi - meaning "This heart asks for more") (India)
  • 2003: "It's the Cola"/"Dare for More" (Pepsi Commercial)
  • 2006–2007: "Why You Doggin' Me"/"Taste the one that's forever young" Commercial featuring Mary J. Blige
  • 2007–2008: "More Happy"/"Taste the once that's forever young" (Michael Alexander)
  • 2008: "Pepsi Stuff" Super Bowl Commercial (Justin Timberlake)
  • 2008: "Рepsi is #1" Тv commercial (Luke Rosin)
  • 2008–present: "Something for Everyone."
  • 2009–present: "Refresh Everything"/"Every Generation Refreshes The World"
  • 2009–present: "Yeh hai youngistaan meri jaan" (Hindi - meaning "This is our young country my baby") (India)
  • 2009–present: "My Pepsi My Way"(India)
  • 2009–present: "Refresca tu Mundo" (Spanish - meaning "Refresh your world") (Spanish Spoken countries in Latin America)
  • 2010-present: "Every Pepsi refreshes the world."
  • 2010-present "Pepsi. Sarap Magbago." (Philippines)

Take This Kid Away and Give These Parents a Lobotomy

Smoking two year old and his pack and a half a day habit.  "He throws a tantrum if he doesn't get them."  SO??  My kid did the same thing with candy, and yet I am the parent and wouldn't give him everything he wanted.  Especially if it were going to kill him before he reached puberty.

From Toby Nunn's Briefing Room

Written by Toby Nunn
Thursday, 27 May 2010 14:50

Become a Fan “Call of Duty Endowment” on Facebook – earn money for Hire Heroes USA!

Today, the Call of Duty Endowment (CODE) announced it is launching a five-day Memorial Day campaign to increase its grant funding for Hire Heroes USA (HHUSA) and to build awareness about the issue of veterans’ unemployment. HHUSA is an organization that focuses on providing career transition assistance to recently returning veterans. For every new fan that helps CODE support veterans and says they “Like” the Call of Duty Endowment Facebook page, between Thursday, May 27th and Monday, May 31st, CODE will increase their donation to HHUSA by $1. The campaign will last until 11:59PM PST on Memorial Day, or until a grant of $50,000 has been reached.

The grant awarded from CODE will go towards employment training programs that help military veterans successfully compete for 21st Century careers. HHUSA partners industry professionals with transitioning veterans during employment transition workshops, provides veterans with intensive career development programs, and gives returning service members the necessary tools needed to sustain a successful outcome when entering the 21st Century workforce. 

CODE is a non-profit corporation that seeks to help veterans transitioning to civilian life find work and establish careers, and to assist other organizations that provide job placement and training. 

We urge you to promote this event on your blog, Facebook page, or any other medium you see fit. Ask your readers and friends to become fans of CODE on Facebook. This is an easy way to make a difference and help a great organization. Thank you for your support.

To become a fan of CODE, visit http://www.facebook.com/pages/Call-Of-Duty-Endowment/199346440490?ref=search&sid=P6OXx5uWA1U28qO93SBnkg.2140421957..1

Push the "me like-y" button peeps! It's not gonna hurt ya and it will help our heroes!  And then spread the word!  (How about a few more exclamation points??)

26 May 2010


demotivational posters
see more

On Running Bras, Kegels, and way TMI

Okay, I know what the title says, but it may take a while to actually cover all that. Mainly, because my laptop (oh, for Shiva's sake, again with the laptop???) might try to go not so gently into that good night while I'm in the middle of this whole thing. My AC port has some kind of short/damage/personality disorder where it will not connect and charge my battery unless you push it in, hold it to the side, stand on your head and recite the entirety of the Magna Carta. And it's never the same way twice. And then, when you have your aura cleansed, your chakras aligned and are in the middle of a project so important your family's well being depends on it, the sonovabitch stops, loses it's shit and the whole process starts anew. AAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

I've had another attack of girly-ness. Seriously, I expect to be wearing taffeta and sporting Shirley Temple curls any minute now. My usual bedtime attire is a baggy t-shirt and a pair of flannel pants. The other day I was waylaid in Target by a couple of gorgeous, girly, silky pieces of bedtime confection. A chorus of angels filled my ears and I was compelled to purchase. I loves them! They are a little skimpy, but not as skimpy as say, what I wore on my wedding night. Which was nothing. Gimme a break...I waited until I was 30!! I'm lucky I still had my dress on after walking the 3 flights of stairs from the ballroom where we got married to the roof garden where the reception was held. Not that there weren't thoughts in that direction. :)

On Monday I decided to run the road past the Women's Maximum Security Finishing School after I dropped the kids off at the bus stop. Little change of pace; why not? I was almost done with my warm-up when I realized I had forgotten my ankle brace. Ah, well, I don't want to walk all the way back to get it; I'm sure one run won't hurt anything. Well, hell. Forgot my heart rate monitor too. I'm surprised I remembered the dog (like anyone could forget Knucklehead McSpazatron when he's practically doing back flips and running from his leash to the front door). Did you know that running on asphalt is a whole different ball of cheese than running off road? And while your 43 year old body with the trashed ankle will forgive you running without your ankle brace on trail, it will bring you into the 5th ring of hell on the road. 20 minutes into this, my right leg was burning from toes to knee, my left hip was full of ground glass, and I was limping like a pirate with a peg leg. So I'm back to hot soaks, ice packs and taking more time to get dressed for running, with all the neoprene and Velcro strapped to me than I actually spend running. I look like a dominatrix triathlete. And speaking of running... I've been looking for a decent running bra that would tie the load down enough so I wouldn't be at risk for a TBI. I have several "sports bras" that are only sufficient for, say, brisk walking or just watching activity. Not actually participating in it. So I went to the local Big 5 and bought a bra that advertised itself as a "compression bra," guaranteed to hold things where they are supposed to and not stress that Cowper's ligament until your boobs look like a National Geographic special. The problem with pull over sports bras is, if they are stretchy enough to pull over your head, they are too stretchy to contain the goods effectively. "Aha!" I thought, "but this compression bra compresses, so I have found the cure!" Except for a few small issues. One, being that trying to get said compression bra over your head and your arms through the arm holes is a bit of a challenge. Houdini in a straight jacket, covered in chains, locked in a trunk underwater, would blanch and the thought of putting this sucker on. And then, once your head and arms are through, you have to stretch it forward enough to get the twins in and not scrape off your nipples in the process. Ready? Now try to breathe. So I bought another bra at Cabela's that I thought would be more comfortable and definitely easier to put on as it had a zipper in the front. It is more comfortable, easier to put on and affords more support, but my boobs haven't been this close to my chin since the first time FB slept through the night while I was still exclusively breastfeeding (causing Steve to exclaim, "Oh MY GOD! Are they ever going to go back to NORMAL???").

So, I bought this thing called a Kegelmaster. It is this kegel excerciser that uses progressive resistance to strengthen your glittery hoo-ha. I'm now at the strongest level and joy of joys, it doesn't matter how bad I have to pee, I can let loose with a tsunmai of sneezes without any worries at all. Not to mention the benefits if I ever get to have sex again...someone is going to be extremely happy. I've got super vag!

Anyone ever wonder who the first person was to think, "we should take this casava plant, beat the starch out of the roots, roll it into balls, cook them with milk, eggs, sugar and vanilla until the balls are gelatinous, and tehn eat it."? I love tapioca pudding as much as the next person, but seriously, who thought this would be a good idea?

Ever wonder how many vibrator injuries are caused a year? And I don't mean injuries occurring from rank stupidity, just from, you know, lack of lube or over exposure. You know EDs have to be full of this kind of thing. Don't know why I thought of this...just did. Maybe the oil barrel sized vat of Astroglide I saw in the pharmacy triggered it.

I'm getting my new pup on Friday; his name is Kennedy, which I do not like. I was talking about it at work and someone suggested we keep with the Looney Tunes theme (Bugs, Sylvester) and name him Fudd. Meh. I had shared this conversation with Senior Chief's Wife (it's one of her dogs' older litters who needs a new home)and I had said, "So we need to coordinate Kennedy or Fudd or whatever we're going to call him." And she suggested K. Fudd. But I'm fighting encroaching douchebaggery every day with these kids, and I feel naming him that would just be an open door policy for Ed Hardy, mandannas, decorative facial hair, and I can't go there. Since his parents' names are Dixie and Diesel, I was bandying Deuce about. FB agreed that that would be a good name and then SoS piped up with, "If we call him Douche.." Okay, no. Dooley? Nah. So I think we settled on Dude, not because of my penchant for using a variety of reasons and moods, but rather, for The Big Lebowski. Which my children will see at as a rite of passage for impending manhood. I guess I could have called him Walter or Donny, but then I'd spend all my time saying, "Shut the fuck up Donny!"

24 May 2010

I'm not really a Xtina fan, but this song has always touched the insecure 17 year old inside of me. And the insecure 43 year old outside of me, I guess!

Now, I have a soft spot in my heavy metal soul for music of the 40s, especially "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy," despite the fact that it is a bitch and a half to play on the piano. So, Xtina took the music that I love and added some lyrics that make me laugh.

And again with that voice! Plus, it reminds me of when swing dancing was a weekly occurrence for me. I'd give my right eyeball just for the time to dance these days!

20 May 2010

What the effity eff eff is wrong with the Japanese?

I guess it's good if you need a little snack on the dance floor.

19 May 2010

Random Stuff I Have No Idea Why Is On My Computer

I found this in "My Pictures" on my laptop.  I'm sure I had some brilliant post in mind (do I have any other kind?  I wish!) but at this point in time, I have no idea what it would have been.  More likely, I saw it and saved it with the intent to send it to someone who would be completely horrified to receive it.  That sounds more like me.  If I can't goose some one or psychologically scar them beyond repair, I don't consider my day worth living.

Fun Uncle Chris with the niece and the offspring on Mother's Day in Wenatchee.  I was at work several hundred miles away.  Not sure if FB has confused which way to make a peace sign or if he is flipping off all of Britain and the inhabitants thereof.  I prefer to think it's the former.

Growing Is Exhausting

Five minutes from our house on the way TO Tae Kwon Do. 
The anesthesiologist was asking me why a patient who got admitted with platlets of 48 was not delivered surgically, but instead was being induced. I replied, "Got me. But she's in labor now." Co-worker explained that the patient was told we wanted to avoid surgery because she was at risk of bleeding. My response was "Well, no shit. She's at risk for bleeding just by blinking." Once again, the filters are down and the maintenance crew are on a cigarette break.

Why are my children dropping teeth faster than meth addicts? SoS came back from school with one of those tooth shaped necklaces they give when kids lose a tooth at school. SoS likes the thought of cash in hand, so if he has an inkling that a tooth is loose, he works that thing until it pops out. We have a "tooth box", a little tooth shaped ceramic box that holds the tooth until the tooth fairy comes and exchanges it for cold, hard cabbage! I told SoS to go put his tooth in the box, which he did, and then told me that there was a tooth in there already for some reason. Oops. Forgot about the last time FB lost a tooth. Screw it, he's too old to believe in the tooth fairy anyway. I assured SoS it would be fine, the tooth fairly would take care of it....and then I promptly forgot about it. Until the next morning when I woke him up, he popped out of bed and said, "My tooth! I have to see if the Tooth Fairy got it from my pillow!" He reached under his pillow and was crushed to find his tooth still there. "She forgot!" I told him that she couldn't find it because she knows that we have tooth box and that is where all our teeth go. I convinced him to go put his tooth in the box, go get ready for school and maybe she would have time to change it before he had to leave. Then I scrambled like Bret Favre looking for a dollar's worth of change. Ten dimes in the tooth box later and all was right with the world.


Riding in the car yesterday we pulled up to the exit before entering the Round-a-bout-a-rama to get to our house and I noticed a Jaguar in front of us. This is the conversation that ensued.

Me to FB in the passenger seat: "Jaguar! Rowr!"
FB "Saturn."
Me: "What?"
FB: "Saturn. It's a car."
Me: "I know that. Why did you say it?"
FB: "You said Jaguar; I said Saturn."
Me: "There was a Jaguar in front of us. That's why I said it."
FB: "Oh. Did you know Cobra's were made by Ford?"
Me: "Yeeeeeees."
SoS from backseat: "Swamp Tigers are real."
Me and FB: *crickets*

18 May 2010

30 Years Ago

I can't believe it has been 30 years. Which makes me...oh my HELL!!! My family was living in Longview, WA (about 60 miles from the mountain)at the time. The mountain had been acting up for a few months, with a bulge that grew 5-6 feet every day on her side.

17 May 2010

stolen from Outlaw at threedonia

16 May 2010

Ronnie James Dio -R.I.P.

Weird that I've been on such a Dio kick lately. This one of my faves and is on all of my running playlists. Cancer sucks ass.
I have been flirting with the notion of becoming a little less wired in, a little less subject to the whims of instant news and gratification.  My Google reader is so full of posts, there will be no way to read them all.  I read the ones I can't live without and delete the rest.  My commenting has taken a nose dive; not that that is a wrenching prospect for anyone to be deprived of my snark.  I  even deactivated my Facebook account and then reactivated it in fear of being yelled at by the Young one...she of the logical argument and Mommy voice. Had the Nav and the Nav's wife not been living in the desert-y island nation I doubt even the Young one could have made me reactivate.  I even thought I should delete this little experiment in narcissism and I'm not quite convinced it won't happen.  My cell phone is an instrument of torture which is why it is usually "left" somewhere, the house phone goes unanswered more often than not, and I've begun to loathe the sound of the doorbell.  I'm watching Shrek by myself right now, the kids are in bed, and I think it's because I'm identifying with him.  Antisocial behavior are us!

We went over the the Senior and Mrs. Chief's house last night to burn wood, roast marshmallows, and talk loud way into the night.  Basically, all the things I'm forbidden to do in my neighborhood because of the Homeowner's Association Nazis.  This put us coming home in the wee hours and made getting up for the whole church thing an exercise in futility (getupgetupgetupgetupgetup!).  Since FB is such a giant, we have graduated from zipper ties to actual, real live, adult ties.  He is so tall now that even in 3 inch heels I can't stand behind him to show him how to tie the thing and still see what I'm doing.  I then tried to tie it standing in front of him and got myself so hopelessly confused, I had that rabbit around the tree, up the block, and relaxing in a spa.  I ripped it off his neck in frustration so fast it left scorch marks on his collar, tied it on myself and then retied it on him, carefully explaining as I went.  Next time it's his turn.  See one, do one, teach one, that's the nurse's way of edumacation!  Let's see if he can do it without the swearing.  We showed up to church about 40 minutes late and we're regaled with a talk on how to keep the Sabbath holy and foremost in our hearts.  First of all by being on time to our meetings.  Yeah?  Well, that's not going to happen, so give me some other ideas.  I then got tagged to teach FB's Sunday School class because his teacher just decided not to show up or get a sub.  So, I'm sitting in a room with 3 goofy, giggly 11 year old boys and 3 stone faced 11 year old girls talking about the story of Moses.  Because I talk so fast and there wasn't exactly a tsunami of classroom participation, we spent the last 15 minutes playing "Spiritual Hangman,"  the standby of my teenage years in North Cackalacky .

SoS asked me today, "Mommy?  What would happen if you got remarried on accident?" 
Me:  "Dude, if I ever get remarried, it wouldn't be an accident, it would be on purpose.  I'm not Brittany Spears."
SoS:  "But what if you have another baby?"
Me: "Wow, so not going to happen!"

FB had a friend stay the night on Friday night and, as I'm making pancakes Saturday morning, I notice as I'm flipping them the non-stick coating is coming off and becoming embedded in the hotcakes.  Would you like a side of Alzheimer's or cancer with your breakfast item?  Abort!  Abort!  Must now buy new griddle.  My parent's still use the same griddle for pancakes that we used growing up.  I don't see any carcinogens flaking off that puppy. 

Knucklehead McSpazatron is doing his twice yearly coat blow (heh.  that sounds dirty.  heh.) so I decided to take the Furminator to him because I tire of the guinea pigs he's leaving everywhere he goes.  I could have a knitted an afghan for every man, woman and child on the West Coast with the amount of hair I dug out of his hide.  Then I snagged the Cat from Hell and I could have made matching scarves and mittens.  No wonder I'm hot at night; the layer of cat hair on my bed is causing me to be super insulated. 

It hit a whole 75 degrees yesterday, which means it was time to break out water guns, and turn the big toy into a giant water slide.  The boys made it extra slippery by the addition of dishsoap.  I was completely on board with the whole idea, but I had a few trepidations regarding whether or not this activity would be covered in my homeowner's policy when they snapped their bones like driftwood twigs.  They shot down that slide like shi'ite through a goose to be sure.  I was so destined to be mother of boys.

10 May 2010

I SAID I Was A Big Fat NERD!!

This is a Hobbit house doll house that a woman with a lot of time on her hands (how with twin boys, I have no idea) made. She makes me feel like a slacker.

Go look at the whole thing.  It's pretty amazing.

Because I Am A Big Giant NERD

The saga of the sick laptop continues: I started it up the other day and, not only did it take a millennium to boot up, I got many "file corrupted, unable to read" messages. After 5 of those, my computer basically said, "for the love of God, run chdsk!" Great. I ran chkdsk, then re-ran it because I forgot to specify the "f" parameter, and after pages and pages of "corrupted file deleted; orphan file deleted" etc, I had to un-install and re-install Norton (bastards!) again. Then, as the POS tried to re-boot, it told me that the AC adapter was not recognized by Dell and that it may not work. As I looked at the AC adapter with the big DELL imprint on it. It came with the laptop; I'm guessing Dell knows about it. All in all, I think my laptop is about to go tits up, and I'm just waiting for the "unstable hard drive" screen or the Windows blue screen of death to show up and fry the whole system.

Last week I worked some overtime (gotta save that bouillon for Bahrain), and got into double time. w00t! And then promptly got sick and missed the next 2 and a half days of work. I guess it's the universe's way to prevent me from getting my ass chewed over the double time. God forbid I work overtime in these difficult economic times! Don't you know the hospital is struggling like all of us? I think I can be forgiven for not being aware after the building of the 75,000 square foot new emergency department with the private rooms, etched glass, and flat screen TVs in every room (why do crack heads need flat screen TVs? Or TVs at all?), purchasing the rival hospital and then expanding it, as well as expanding one of the outlying clinics into a hospital. And don't get me started on management salaries...but my two hours of double time will break 'em. How dare I be so selfish?

On top of getting sick with the plague I lost my favorite earrings as well.  Gloom!  Despair!  Agony, oh me!  Well, I lost one, but what good is only one earring unless you want to wear it as a nose piercing.  I tore this house apart looking for the damn thing.  I braved the spaces in between the couch cushions and that is a frightening prospect in this house.  You need a miner's light and an excorcist to go anywhere near them.  Alas, it was all for naught and I resigned myself to being depressed and morose.  The other night my knees were killing me and I decided to soak in a hot tub for relief.  I have a big garden tub, which, frankly, is lost on me, because I hardly use it.  I get in there and start thinking about how hot I am, and I'm wet, and this edge isn't very comfortable even with the pillow and can I get out yet?  Some have posited that I have difficulty relaxing, but I think they are wrong.  Anyway, my point is, I hardly use it and so, if I decide to, I need to clean it every time.  I was running water and was getting ready to sluice a tidal wave over the tub when, luckily, I looked toward the back and..MY EARRING!!  Booyah!  It must have gotten hung up on a towel and flung hither and yon.  Whatever, I got my diamond earrings back in my ears and had a bounce in my step.

SoS made me a necklace for Mother's Day:

 He insisted I guess the "magic phrase" before he gave it to me: "I'll give you a hint: the first word is I."
"Ummm...I love you?"
"You guessed it!  Mommy you are so smart!"

Once I opened it, he wanted to know if I loved it and if the colors were my favorite colors and would I wear it right now?  Huh, Mom?  Now?  Do you want to wear it now?  So I put it on and promised to wear it all day today at work as well.  It is these moments why this kid is still alive.  Otherwise I would have turned him  loose with the rest of the savage animals and he could fend for himself.  But when he's sweet like this, I'm reminded why I keep him around.

My well-known dislike of tanning my nips was under discussion today so my crazy friend/co-worker, who is known to molest doctor's husbands on accident while at Christmas parties, decided to help me out and built me some covers.

Why, yes, those do say "Party Hats" and I like that they are anatomically correct.   Dr. Good Drugs overheard us talking about them and insisted on seeing them.  So I pulled them out of my bag and discreetly showed him.  His response was to reach out and ask, "Can I touch 'em?"  Testosterone may cause brain damage.

02 May 2010

It's a Dio Kind of Day

Daisy Dukes

The Senior Chief's wife sent me this on Facebook. I think it's hilarious, but I wonder if she's trying to tell me something......
I had another of those, "Damn, I really need to proof-read the messages my brain sends out before my mouth articulates them" moments. It's a habit of mine like yelling in the Nav's wife's ear at a bar, "Yeah, well I like dick!" during a slight lull in the bar noise that allowed the cowboy next to us to choke on his drink. Or telling the doctors my thoughts of why we had meconium in once clear fluid after pushing for three hours on a face presentation: "yeah, well if you slammed my face into a brick wall for three hours, I'd shit my pants too." We were sitting at the nurse's station discussing Cytotec, a cervical ripening agent, and the routes of giving said cervical ripening agent. At our facility, it can be given orally or vaginally. It is primarily a gastric medication so it seems counter intuitive to most of us to place it vaginally. I was charting away on a delivery, and only half paying attention to the conversation when it changed to the nurses' preferences for dosing (since we give it) and I piped up with, "I love oral!" In my normal tone and delivery. Read: loud and boisterous. Awesome. Before "oral" even came out of my mouth, I knew this would not turn out well.

What brought this whole topic up was yesterday, I bought some candy called "Lavaballs." I love cinnamon candy; the hotter, the better. I have taken to buying "Cinnamon Fire" Jolly Ranchers, which are not nearly as hot as they were when I was a kid, but still hotter than the regular "Fire" Jolly Ranchers. I see these "Lavaballs" and think they are akin to "Atomic Fireballs" which I haven't seen in awhile. So I bought them, being very excited at the thought of some hot cinnamon action. The problem is that I like hard candies that last awhile, and I like to bite on but not through the candy while it is in my mouth. Well, I popped one of these so-called Lavaballs in my mouth, gave it a test bite, and found it to be the consistency of a jelly bean. And then I said, "Crap. I like to suck on hard things." And was thankful that I was in the privacy of my own house where only I could rank on myself. Because that comment would have been legend at the ol' workplace.