18 August 2010

I'm not dead! I feel happy! I feeeeel haaaapppy!

No, contrary to how it appears, I have not shuffled off this mortal coil and joined the choir invisible.  It does appear that I channeling a serious amount of Monty Python, however.  I've started a new job....actually, it's the same job, it's just in a different locale, and thus entails an ass ton of different protocols, paperwork, etc, ja niin pois pain.  (That there is Finnish, is pronounced "ya neen pois pine" and means "et cetera."  I'm in a strange mood; sue me.)  More about the job later (like how I'm winning friends and influencing people, namely an anesthesiologist, by pulling an IV he didn't think was running well enough [it was BTW] after he started another one.  What?  She was an uncomplicated section.  And I hadn't had any Pepsi yet.  So I had a brain fart that would have caused even anesthesiologists that know and love me to question my skills.  Let alone one who doesn't know me from some chick off the street.  Whatev...)

Steve's biological father sent me a nice wad of cash, which he does on occasion in, what I believe to be, an exercise in redemption for being such a dick when his kids were little.  He wanted me to do something fun with the boys so I bought this:

It came in three separate boxes with a total weight of 286 pounds.  The enclosure poles alone weighed 174 pounds.  I thought I was going to rupture something dragging those suckers into the backyard.  It took me three days after work to put this sumbitch together.  The trampoline itself was no sweat; legs and frame snapped together and the mat was fairly simple as well despite 96 tension springs and "help" from an overexcited 7 year old, which resulted in some of the said springs getting hooked a little off kilter and needing to be unhooked and then re hooked in the proper place.  Do you know how hard it is to unhook a tension spring after it has found a home?  I was sweating more than  virgin in a cat house.  The enclosure poles were an exercise in torture. The bottom and top half of the poles had to be joined, then the top and bottom foam padding had to be put on, then you had to put this big, blue vinyl condom on over that, and put on these notched top caps.  (There was much weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth going on, not to mention some more blood, sweat, an inkling of tears.)   To attach the poles to the frame you had to hold these 20 pound poles about 2 and a half feet of the ground while attaching them with three U rings.  They were so kind as to include one of those cheapo, flat wrenches that are completely useless, and my children had decided to get into my socket set for some reason known only to themselves, despite threats of a fatwa if they mess with my tools without asking, and proceeded to lose the ONE socket I could use.  So, I attached all eight of these poles with a little open end wrench.  Much cussing ensued.  Senior Chief's wife called in the middle of this and when FB told her I was putting up the trampoline she asked him if he were helping or hiding in the house.  My friends know me oh so well.   And FB laughed when she asked and not because he thought she was joking.  Putting up the net involved a step ladder, bungee cords that had to be hooked to the top of each pole, weaved through the net, hooked on the frame, and then a nylon tie was wrapped around all of that, and tied on the bottom. EIGHT FREAKING TIMES!!!  Next time someone sends me a bunch of money, I'm spending it on cookies and Pepsi. 

The boys seem to enjoy it, however.

Yeah, I don't know why it's not right side up, and I'm too tired to figure it out.  Besides, keeping your brain engaged will help ward off Alzheimer's.  In parting, while I was hugging SoS goodnight he informed me that he could see down my shirt and he was lookin'.  As you see, nothing changes here.

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