02 October 2011

Being the single mother of boys has lost it's glamor.  Humor. Har.  Seriously, I didn't plan on being a single parent and there are aspects of parenting that I was preeeetty much betting on being handled by the Y chromosome half of the parental unit.  For instance, testicular exams, foreskin maintenance and hygeine, you get the picture.  It's not that I'm squeamish about sharing this information with my boys; I'm a Labor and Delivery nurse for the love of Mike!  I'd just like someone to relief pitch once in a while.  It's frankly exhausting.  And I'll tell you why.   The other night, I arrived home from work, spent some quality time with the boys and then went to my room to decompress and read for the last half hour before it was time to beat them into submission and get them to bed, when I hear, what can only be described as caterwauling, coming from downstairs.  Think Siamese cats fighting over a PA system.  I heard one of the offspring pounding up the stairs and took bets on which one would come apprise me of whatever hideous sin the other had committed. SoS came to my door and with an outraged, bordering on horrified, expression on his face exclaimed, "Mom!  FB was lookin' at NUDED WOMEN!"  Well, just hell.  I walked downstairs and FB was coming out of the office, books under his arm, computer shut down and a resigned look on his face.  I didn't even get a word out before he said, "I know."  All I could think was, "Buddy, you have NO idea."  So we had a chat about how looking at porn was inappropriate and disrespectful to women, how I understood that he had all these feelings and he was curious, but dealing with it this way was, again, inappropriate, and when he was an adult and married he would have a naked woman he could look at whenever he wanted.  I know that is not completely accurate, but why burst the kid's bubble now?  With any luck, he'll marry a woman who is more like his mother in that department ( having been referred to as "oversexed" and "like a guy") , rather than what seems to be the norm among my friends.  He is grounded from the computer for however long I feel its going to take for me to beat (ha) this dead horse and when he's allowed to trip the Internet fantastic again, he's going to find his freedom curtailed.  Nuclear missile firing controls aren't as locked down as our family PC. And, why yes, I do find it ironic that the porn surfer turned out to be the low key First Born rather than the boob loving little perv, Spawn of Satan.

I have purchased several items of bedroom furniture for the boys and it has all arrived in flat, heavy boxes.  You want to know the sweetest words in the English language?  "No Assembly Required."  From now on I'm buying all my furniture in this condition, extra cost be damned.  I have spent several hours a day using a screwdriver and my right forearm and palm is so sore that it is difficult to use it in any twisting type motion.  It would probably feel better with some kind of brace, but I am just perverse enough to tell anyone who asked how I injured it that my batteries died at an inopportune moment.  And then snicker up my sleeve.

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