06 March 2009

Here's the deal with me and exercise: I get bored. Easily. So I gotta keep it fresh, gotta change it up, otherwise I get into this rut where I'm saying, "If I have to do (insert activity here) one more time, I'm going to lose my wig all over then next person/animal/inanimate object that crosses my path." My 10 minute trainer has been working well for me, and I always feel good when I'm done with it, but I could feel the ennui creeping up. I have been searching all over creation for a Wii Fit, alas in vain, until I found one this week. Oh, how my heart lifted! Something new and different, it will track my progress, and I can buy games for the kids to use on it as well, so I don't feel so indulgent dropping $90 bucks on this thing when I could always get off my fat ass and just go running. The set up on this thing is pretty involved. First, you set the date and time, your age, your height and then you pick a representative Mii figure. This is a little animated you that performs the activities on screen as you do them on the balance board. This little Mii is a fine figure. Then the Wii Fit calculates your BMI. BMI is a crock of malarky in my opinion, because it doesn't take into account muscle mass, water weight and other factors. This is not to say I'm not a little "fluffier" than I should be, I'm just saying it's not a completely accurate measurement of fitness. Having said that, this thing then asks for my weight and calculates my BMI. A Snotty Voiced Bitch informs that I am obese, the graph next to my Mii goes into the red zone and then my Mii gets exponentially rotund. This obviously depresses the hell out of her as she looks down at herself, slumps her shoulders and dejectedly shakes her head. I then have to perform some balance and muscle control exercises like some circus monkey shilling for a banana. With this information the SVB tells me my Wii Fit age is 47. At this point my Mii figure bends over, grabs her lower back and slinks off screen. Is this shit supposed to actually motivate me? Because, really, all it motivated me to do at 5 am is flip off the TV while yelling, "Fuck you, motherfucker!" And I haven't used my favorite word in some time. All it took was being insulted by a tiny white CPU and balance board. After this whole fiasco, I went to add some ice to my water jug and discovered that I had forgotten I had stuck a can of soda in the freezer the night before. I do like my sodas cooled to the point that they are more of a cola slurry than liquid. I looked at the mess all over the door, the food, the ice trays, the walls of the freezer, etc, quietly closed the door and mentally put "clean freezer" on my after work to do list.

I've never seen Battlefield Earth. Until tonight. I wish I could still say that I'd never seen it. It's so bad, I can't stop watching. It's like a train wreck.

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