01 May 2009

I broke my retainer off one side of my lower jaw after eating an M&M. Mrs. Hardy contends it is a karmic smackdown for daring to ingest the demon sugar. I am leaning more toward stress failure of the 25 year old cement that has bonded the retainer to my teeth, lo these many years. I then had to manipulate this sharp wire back and forth until the other side gave way, so as to not injure myself in a bizarre salad accident. Do you have any idea how strange it is to feel the back of your teeth for the first time since you were 17? Not to mention the globs of sharp, jaggedly broken cement on the aforementioned teeth. My bedroom TV is also crapping out on me and my wallet is on the verge of giving up the ghost. Not to mention, the dog spewed about 9 pounds of semi digested food on the Berber carpet. Perhaps it's time I sacrifice a goat or something. I mean, what is the deal?!? On a good note, I have not an inkling of swine flu although I tempted fate by wearing my pig socks to work today.


  1. your karma is way fucked up. I just used my leatherman to bend my retainer back to it's original position. thought the dental hygenist was gonna pee her pants when i fessed up. so when the storm blasts us tomorrow, don't feel obligated to raise a metal object in the air, k?

  2. ..... I like reading about the crap that happens to you; makes me feel better about the crap in my life! Different crap, but crap none the less!!

  3. and just remember for one brief moment in time...you are not Debbie Pickett immoblized in a cervical collar and knee brace...she'd be better off without any luck, eh?


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