14 January 2010

Our floors are being replaced at work.  The carpet (who would put carpet in an L&D unit?  Oh, let me break my water right here.  Howzabout I blow chunks over here?  And why don't I trail blood off my bed as I hemorrhage down the hall to the OR?) is being replaced with a "laminate" flooring.  I say "laminate" as I have never seen legitimate laminate flooring that comes in rolls like cheap linoleum.  I'm just sayin'.  Of course, while the dudes are in the middle of this, and causing us to commit errors of omission because the fumes of the industrial strength adhesive that is being spread like so much cream cheese frosting on a red velvet cake is making us higher than meth addicts wish they could be, all hell broke loose.  I don't think I sat down for more than 20 minutes.  And not only were they not consecutive minutes, none of them occurred in a restroom.   No longer was the shortest distance between two points a straight line.  No, the shortest distance between two points took three flights of stairs and a crosstown bus.  So, I'm exaggerating, but it was nearly that convoluted.  On top of that I had a doctor prove, once more, that he thinks we are all retarded and couldn't find a cervix if our lives depended on it.  I checked this woman at 0730.  Her cervix was so closed you couldn't even imagine how the swimmers made it through to impregnate her in the first place.  Three hours later, when she is only contracting once every 15 minutes, fat man comes in, checks her and says, "She's 5 centimeters."  You lying sack o' shite!  I know you're lying!  And when I couldn't freaking find her cervix with a miner's helmet and a map an hour later, it just cemented the fact that he LIES!!  Phtttttpb! 

The Cat from Hell sat on my phone and dialed "666" with his butt.  That's how evil he is.

Word of Wisdom for the day:

"If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck."


  1. Dang, woman! You are HILarious! Yeah..."fat man" to you is "creepy guy" to me! I'm just sayin'....

  2. Fat Man needs to be Fat Man because his partner, Mr. Weird, takes creepiness to the power of 10 and I need to differentiate between them. :D


Okay, GO!