Apparently, when you are getting beat like a dog in triage and a coworker asks if she can help you out, replying "That would be great; I've got sterile specs out my ass" can be considered offensive or unprofessional to some.  I figure if you've known me longer than 30 minutes, you know to tune me out unless I specifically say your name.  Saves an ass load of angst all around.

My brother-in-law, who is basically SoS 40 years from now, took the boys to Monster Jam this weekend.  The BIL had the following conversation with FB:

BIL  "Your mom has her hands full.  Does she beat SoS?"

FB  "Oh, yeah!  Every day!"

Nice.  Now my own flesh and blood is spreading lies about me.  Children that I suckled at my breast far longer than my grandmother thought acceptable (meaning it was longer than 15 seconds: "shouldn't that boy be eating solid food by now?  Grandma, he's a week old, he doesn't even have teeth.  Well, he needs to get off that tit; get him a bottle"  Jeez, ya nazi!) offered me up at the altar of child protective services referrals for a t-shirt and all the junk food they could eat.

I was on the phone the other day with Dear Friend married to the Senior Chief and in the middle of our conversation said, "Oops.  I just put a foot mask on my hands instead of hand lotion"  She said, "eeeeewww"  My response was,  "It could have been worse; it could have been Astroglide."  Or pepper spray.