02 May 2010

I had another of those, "Damn, I really need to proof-read the messages my brain sends out before my mouth articulates them" moments. It's a habit of mine like yelling in the Nav's wife's ear at a bar, "Yeah, well I like dick!" during a slight lull in the bar noise that allowed the cowboy next to us to choke on his drink. Or telling the doctors my thoughts of why we had meconium in once clear fluid after pushing for three hours on a face presentation: "yeah, well if you slammed my face into a brick wall for three hours, I'd shit my pants too." We were sitting at the nurse's station discussing Cytotec, a cervical ripening agent, and the routes of giving said cervical ripening agent. At our facility, it can be given orally or vaginally. It is primarily a gastric medication so it seems counter intuitive to most of us to place it vaginally. I was charting away on a delivery, and only half paying attention to the conversation when it changed to the nurses' preferences for dosing (since we give it) and I piped up with, "I love oral!" In my normal tone and delivery. Read: loud and boisterous. Awesome. Before "oral" even came out of my mouth, I knew this would not turn out well.

What brought this whole topic up was yesterday, I bought some candy called "Lavaballs." I love cinnamon candy; the hotter, the better. I have taken to buying "Cinnamon Fire" Jolly Ranchers, which are not nearly as hot as they were when I was a kid, but still hotter than the regular "Fire" Jolly Ranchers. I see these "Lavaballs" and think they are akin to "Atomic Fireballs" which I haven't seen in awhile. So I bought them, being very excited at the thought of some hot cinnamon action. The problem is that I like hard candies that last awhile, and I like to bite on but not through the candy while it is in my mouth. Well, I popped one of these so-called Lavaballs in my mouth, gave it a test bite, and found it to be the consistency of a jelly bean. And then I said, "Crap. I like to suck on hard things." And was thankful that I was in the privacy of my own house where only I could rank on myself. Because that comment would have been legend at the ol' workplace.


  1. OMG. I am loud and boisterous with a side of Foot In Mouth Syndrome, but I dont think I've ever shouted something as funny as YOU did!

  2. Lately, my Foot In Mouth disease has progressed to Foot Up To Hip Disease. I don't often blush, but this one got me!


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