01 February 2013

It's a new year!  It feels the same.  It usually does.  But, since I'm rapidly approaching 46 (*gasp*), I'm getting to where I am cutting dead wood left and right.  I don't have time to waste with unimportant situations people; I may be dead any second.  (Sorry, my 12 year old self sometimes intervenes and regards my age like unto Methuselah.)

As a final "F you" before she got out of the Navy, one of my bosses scheduled me to work Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and the day after Christmas.  Let's talk about how ecstatic my mother was to hear this news.  Yikes.  We all survived, but I'm not sure we've all forgiven. :)  And. in true holiday fashion, I got pulled over for speeding on Christmas. Just hear how this went down.  My neighborhood abuts a gated community.  Because we were here first, we get the right of way and the inhabitants of the enclave have to cool their heels for a bit at a stop sign while I go sailing blithely past.  So I did.  The car that had to wait followed me down the hill and around the first (yes, there is more than one) roundabout.  As we crossed the overpass on the way into the second roundabout, this car suddenly swerves around me and goes flying onto the freeway.  I noticed it was a sheriff's car. Hmmm... he must have received a call and is now in high speed pursuit.  I continued to ponder this until I came up on the same sheriff's vehicle on the highway.  Going maybe, 55.  I moved over to the passing lane, and, just as pulled even, the sheriff took off at about 80 or 90.  Ooookaaaaay. Perhaps they had cancelled the first high speed pursuit, and substituted this one in it's place.  I move back into the right hand lane.  And about five minutes later, come up on this same cop.  As I start to move to the passing lane, so as not to tailgate this officer, (s)he swerves onto the shoulder.  I now no longer believe that this is a cop, but rather a cop's child who has taken the vehicle without permission to do God knows what.  As I'm contemplating whether I should call in such erratic behavior, the sheriff comes up behind me, moves over to pass me, and rides my rear corner panel for about 15 minutes.  At which point, I have now dropped down to 40, because it's the speed limit, and he decides to pull me over.  When his lights went on, I've got to tell you, my first reaction wasn't "Damn, I'm getting pulled over."  It was, "Who is he getting?" Rapidly followed by, "Oh, I'm getting pulled over." I pull over, put on my flashers, roll down the passenger's side window, and have my documents ready to hand over when this dude comes sidling up to my car, peeks around the door frame like we're in downtown Detroit, or at least, T-town, shines his Bigfoot sized Maglite in my face, and asks, "Are you going somewhere this morning?"  No sir, I routinely drive around randomly at 0630 on Christmas Day.  I did not, in fact, say that.  But I thought it. I hand over the goods and he questions me as to if I knew how fast I was going.  I gave him a blank look and said, "Just now?"  He said, "No, when you came up behind me." Now, of course my first reaction was to ask, "Which time?", but as I have gained some maturity and caution in the years I've been on this earth, I said, "Ummm, 60?  I had the cruise control on,"  He proceeded to explain that my cruise control must be faulty because he clocked me going 67 (Really?  While you too were in motion? Interesting.) until I got down to 40 and he pulled me over.  (Yes, after the fact when I was going the speed limit.) Then, without ever looking at my documents, he handed them back and told me to slow it down.  So, I can only deduce that one should not drive anywhere around a county sheriff when he is resenting working on Christmas Day.

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