Mailbag

From time to time I get items in my mailbox that make me wonder about the mental stability of the world. Or my own. This weeks was one of those times. In fact, I got three pieces of mail on the same day that made me think, WTF? The first was this:
I realize it is overexposed, but bear with me here. That seal is the AARP seal. Yes, folks, the American Association of Retired Persons sent me a membership flyer. Now, disregard the fact that there is no way I will retire in this lifetime, because I will have to work until the day I die. They will have to cart me off the floor and pry whatever medical instrument I may be holding at the time from my cold, dead hands. I will never have the opportunity to be a retired person, but that is not the point. The point is this: I am 41 years old! Why the hell am I getting membership requests from an organization to which my PARENTS belong? My RETIRED parents. I don't dread getting older, I didn't "stop" having birthdays at 39, I enjoy being the age I am. But come ON! Cut me a little slack.

The next interesting piece of mail was this:

Okay, this one is underexposed, sue me. But the letterhead is from Regence, the company from which I receive my incredibly sucky insurance courtesy of Multiscare. The gist of this correspondence is that Regence loves me and wants to make sure I'm satisfied with their services and could I please take an independent survey about how great they are? ($3000 yearly deductible? $6000 out of pocket maximum? Yeah, you rock.) My favorite part of the letter is this sentence:

We have enclosed a small cash incentive in appreciation of your participation in this important study

How small? This small:

(Don't ask me why it's oriented this way, this is not the way I took the picture. But I'm too freaking lazy and/or tired to correct it, so you'll have to adjust.) What is this worth now; 13 cents? Not to mention that after January, these yahoos aren't even going to be my insurance carriers. So, I'm gonna have to pass. But I will keep the buck so I can buy a piece of gum. Thanks.

My last piece of mail was a magazine called Uncommon Goods. I buy most of my Christmas presents from quirky little magazines and every year around this time, I seem to receive more. This one in particular is a little crunchy with most of the products being the "love your mother earth/made of recycled whatever" variety. No big, it's nice stuff and my SIL happens to be a little crunchy herself. Some may regard me as crunchy, but that's probably because I'm nuts. But I digress. I'm flipping through the pages and come across these little gems: The Global Warming mug and the Disappearing Civil Liberties/Bill of Rights.














As you can see, the mug on the left is our little planet and as you can't see, the mug on the right is the Bill of Rights. (heh. I didn't even plan that) When you add your favorite hot beverage to these mugs, the polar ice caps melt, the water level raises and the majority of the Bill of Rights disappear. Classy. Buy these as heartwarming gifts to celebrate the joy of the season!