Have you ever washed your face so fast that your pinkie went up your nose? I jammed mine so far up my right nostril I think I scratched my brain. At the very least I have a to scale trench of Marianas dimensions in my poor little mucous membrane. That's what I get for trying to be a girl and grow my fingernails past the quick. Not that I was planning to go cave diving with them, but you understand where I'm going here.

Why do all the people working the membership desk at the YMCA look as if they could stand a few hours on the stairmaster? I went to sign the kids up so I could get them in swimming lessons with people who are actually interested in teaching them to not drown instead of hooking up with one of the other instructors later, and, in my usual fashion, got suckered into joining myself. And it wasn't because the membership chick asked if I was over 30. I gave her the fish eye with my over sized t-shirt, no make up, and hat head and said, "I'm over 40." Her "you look so young!" didn't win any points and my goal was to get the hell out of there and finish my errands. So I signed up to shut her up. It was only 20 extra dollars, but let's get real. When am I ever going to go to this place? Stairclimbers, bikes, treadmills and ellipticals bore the hell out of me, I'm not running on a track,(kill me now) and, while I might be interested in the free weights, there are too many sweaty douchebags-in-training for me to ever do it. I'll stick with cussing Tony Horton at 4 in the morning, thanks. And what's with the teeny boppers in the Hooter's t-shirts? Her parents must be so proud!

The Nav and the Nav's Wife got back from Navy school in Rhode Island and if their extremely young marriage can withstand being locked in a small motel room together for a month with no relief, it can withstand trauma of biblical proportions. Although, the first night back the Nav was shipped off to a strip club in another state and I fed mass amounts of alcohol to the Nav's Wife. Girl time and your own body weight in frozen booze will bring any relationship back from the brink. I'm almost sure of it.