09 September 2008


The first week of September finds me wondering what the hell is going on around here? It's not just the crazy days at work where everyone is busting their ass, trying to help out as the entire county wants to spit out a kid or two and, invariably, there is the one staff member who thinks doing a delivery constitutes their entire day's work. Recovery? Why do I need to do recovery? What do you mean I might get another patient at some point during the day? This is not helped by missing equipment, crashing computers and the Quaker from hell calling 18 times a day wondering why the the staff didn't get lunch breaks and those were charged to the unit.

It isn't just that SoS is living up to his name at school and that I only hear about it second hand.

"The principal took SoS's lunchbox away. He wouldn't stop wearing it as a hat."

"Mom! I got 5 x's today!"
"Are you supposed to get x's?"

I'm just waiting for the first phone call from the principal. It should be soon. Luckily, he's just a good hearted kid.

SoS: "FB, I love you! Do you love me?"
FB: "Of course I love you."
Me thinking: Could we try to remember that the next time he wants you to tie his shoes, look at a book, breathe in your presence?

It's also not just the yahoo who showed up at my door this evening ("Hi, I'm Josh!") to try to sell me 'homework helps" to make my parenting easier. Hmmm. For a hundred bucks? Josh was here from Cal Poly on an summer internship. Really. Got some id there Josh? Like a letter of acceptance or a tuition bill to prove you are a Cal Poly student and not just some scammer trying to sell me shit I don't need? Since when does Cal Poly internship for Southwestern Learning Library? I was unaware that they were affiliated with one another. My main problem with ol' Josh, despite being a nice guy, was that he spoke to me as if he knew me, understood me, and was my good buddy. I'm such an anti-social bitch that this attitude serves to make me want to punch him repeatedly in the middle of his smiling face with a punk rocker's studded dog collar wrapped around my fist. But, being the mature, and let's not forget, partially raised in the South, woman that I am, I maintained my composure and politely declined his offer of more consumer debt.

My evening was spent sitting in the middle of nowhere while FB attended Scouts, being totally frustrated with the technology at my disposal. Ratatouille was playing in the "backseat DVD entertainment system" touted in my owner's manual. God bless the engineer who came up with this idea. The saviour of parents everywhere! SoS being ably distracted, I had my laptop powered up so I could continue in my effort to make it through the GOP platform. A freakish 67 pages on Adobe reader. (Next up, the Dem platform....at 97 pages. Oh. My. Heck. For those who don't want to read it themselves go to LT Nixon Rants where he has a synopsis of both the GOP and Dem platforms, complete with unique and pretty bitchin' rating systems.) This lasted about 14 seconds as my laptop went into hibernation due to a low battery. Despite being plugged in 24/7. Apparently plugged into the cable does not equate plugged into the outlet with a dog, cat and two male offspring running amok in the house. Oh sweet, sweet flow of electrons, why have you forsaken me? I spent the next 20 minutes looking for a signal on my phone to see if I could download it from the web. As we were out in BFE, my search was in vain, which did not prevent me from sticking my head and hand out the driver's side window, waving my phone around and acting like a sweaty crack addict searching for her next fix. In disgust, I gave up and vegged out to the mind numbing Pixar show in the car.

I came home, chivvied the boys into bed and got my ass kicked my a work out video. There are Hershey's chocolate bars on the counter singing a siren song to my soul. I think I need to go to bed and dream of electric sheep.

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