03 September 2008

Wake Me When September Starts

Here begins another glorious school year. But this is the best school year ever. Why? you may well ask. Because both Spawn of Satan and First Born are in school all day, every day. Leaving Mommy (i.e. ME) to be able to get stuff done that has been languishing for about, oh, 6 years or so. Painting, making the stupid roman shades for the family room, the material for which has been in the corner of the dining room for......you guessed it 6 years! I still like it, luckily. So yeah, first day of school; bitchin'! Or is it?

It seems that, despite the "Meet Your Teacher" fest last week and the parent orientation for Kindergarten (that I bailed on. Sue me. I don't think a lot has changed since the last one.) last week, the kindergartners are far too fragile to attend a full day of school on the first day. So, based on the first letter of the last name, these kiddos were to have a one hour orientation at the school today and then have the first full day tomorrow. One hour. One. Hour. Our last name starting with "P" meant that SoS's orientation was from 12:30-1:30. Convenient. Especially since this was the exact time the dude was coming to fix my washer. Ever needed to call someone to babysit your washing machine? It's not a pretty call.

We meet SoS's teacher, a tall, imposing woman who taught Special Ed for 15 years. This may come in handy. Not that SoS is special needs, but this chick is going to need all the patience and intestinal fortitude she can muster for this kid. Trust me. This is experience talking here. Not long after, about 10 minutes or so, we are ushered to the library, sans kiddos, for a meeting. Let me just point out a few differences between me and the majority of the parents at this school. The school, and our house, is located next to the large gated community/country club neighborhood on the outskirts of town. These people are the ones who dress in suede jackets and chandelier earrings to go to the park. Who wear $80 tank tops and $130 Seven for All Mankind jeans. My $14 Target shorts with the over sized Mario Bros. T-shirt may clash just a little. Most of the moms are stay at home moms, for which I applaud them. I would have loved to stay home with my kids when they were little, but I think a lot of these women haven't done much but fund raise and decorate since the ring plopped on their finger. Where was I going with this? This was not just a jealous rant, I'm pointing out that I don't really fit in.

So...to the library. Where we are regaled with tales of how fabulous the PTA is. I agree. But don't tell me that unless I join the PTA and volunteer at the school my children won't feel that I am invested in them and that they will not be successful in their scholastic career. And the rest of you social x-ray, lollipop heads can just shut it if you think that I'm doing my kids a disservice by not being a presence in the classroom, handing out pizza at movie night or sweating my funbags off at field day. I'm busting my ass here trying to raise decent human beings and sometimes, something's gotta go! I choose PTA involvement. Besides, me at the PTA meetings would more than likely be a little something like this:

Okay, maybe not, but Babs Eden was smoking hot! Something to work towards.

Next, the kids were sent to take an inaugural bus ride. Many pictures were snapped, videos recorded and for good reason. This will most likely be the last time most of these yuppie larva ever set foot on a bus again, except for field trips. Maybe I'm just a firetruckin' beyotch, but if you're going to pay for the district to maintain the bus fleet, perhaps you should actually use it.
Otherwise, let's get rid of the buses and start a contract with First Student for the 25% of the kids who aren't parent drop off/pick up. It might actually lower those taxes and decrease the amount of school levies you're always bitching about.

Wow. Vitriolic spewing 'R' Us. Forgive. Or don't. Whatever.

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