07 April 2010

Here's a little recap on Easter.  Since I was making a dinner based on the impulse purchase of a Peeps cake, I was mulling menu items over in my head.  I bought a bag of red potatoes to make some nice garlic/parsley potatoes. realized I had asparagus at home, so I need not worry about the green veggie, bought some pineapple rings to stab into this huge ass ham, and decided I needed something beside just those pineapple rings for a fruit. I bought a small bag of frozen peaches that I thought I could thaw and sprinkle with cinnamon.  (SoS can be picky about the types of fruit he'll eat as well as everything else, but I knew he'd eat that.) I cheated on the crescent rolls and bought Pillsbury, cuz, let's not get carried away with this whole "Holly Homeaker" thing here.  As the magnet on my fridge says, "The only domestic thing about me is I live in a house."

It was a nice little Easter morn with very little candy.  Since Valentine's wasn't all that long ago and my parents had dropped off an ass ton before they went to Bend, I figured the boys would be fine.  They each got a chocolate rabbit (not Easter without 'em), some gum, a Cadbury egg, and a DS Pokemon game.  SoS got Heart Gold and FB got Soul Silver.  The same game that FB has been dropping oh, so, subtle hints about for the last 2 months.  An example:  "Mom, I really want Heart Gold or Soul Silver.  Davey has Heart Gold.  He says it's a cool game.  I bet it would be lots of fun.  I wonder if I will ever get Soul Silver or Heart Gold.  I wish I had enough money to buy Heart Gold or Soul Silver,"  And on and on ad infintum.  Okay, dude, I get it.  Needless to say, they were thrilled with their Easter baskets and were zoned out within 10 seconds of the games loading.

I put the ham in at 12:30 with an idea to eat around 4.  (I told you the damn thing was big.)  As it was cooking I got a phone call from my parents who were on their way home and thought they would be rolling in around the same time.  Knowing how hateful it is to have to think about making dinner or eating out after being on the road, no food in the house, and bags of laundry staring you in the eye, I invited them over for dinner and they gratefully accepted.  Dilemma time.  I definitely had enough ham, but the rest of the meal...maybe not.  Okay, potatoes...if we have small helpings.  Rolls...one each.  Fruit...yeah,no.  I had some frozen fruit medley thing that I use to make smoothies with:  melon, peaches, blueberries, that sort of thing, and I was sure I could find a recipe for a nice sauce to go over it, so that would work.  Asparagus...ooooohhhhhh.  First thing:  soggy and rotting.  Apparently I forgot how long ago I actually bought it.  Second:  wouldn't have been enough anyway.  Luckily, I had this Green Giant frozen veggie medley with cheese sauce that I had bought for those nights when I don't have time to do anything else.  Which SoS might take a stab at, because it's covered in cheese.  And you can steam it in the bag, in the microwave, so it's freaking easy!   Go Green Giant, ho, ho, ho!  Are the Green Giant and Santa the same person?  Or do they just share the same vocabulary.  It's pretty limited either way.  Sorry.  Tangent.  And my kid is ADD?

My next problem was what do I get to drink.  My mom and I would both probably do water over anything else, my dad would refuse my milk because all I have is skim (or "chalk water" as he refers to it), and the kids will drink what I give them and like it!  I did, however, have some pink lemonade in my freezer.  (Dear heaven, how long has this been in my freezer?  Since Steve died?  That would go along with the sundry of everything else I found this weekend that has expired, including the Zyrtec I stll gave to FB.  Because if he sniffed or wiped his nose on his sleeve one more time, I was gonna smack him upside of his head with my shoe.)  I set it, along with the frozen fruit, on the counter to thaw and in the process of getting both out of the freezer, noticed the cranberries.  Do you eat cranberry sauce with ham?  I didn't know, but I did know those suckers had been in the freezer for awhile (read more than a year...maybe even two) and I needed to make some cranberry sauce.
While I waited for things to thaw, I decided I needed to tidy up a little.  I'm sure my mother wonders where she went wrong when she walks into my house, and I usually couldn't give a rat's ass, I'm a busy, working, single mom, but this wasn't just clutter, this was starting to border on needing FEMA  and hazmat.  The dog hair guinea pigs were starting to organize and I feared an uprising any second.  Now, I have been taking some vitamins from GNC that purport to "make your workout more effective."  You are supposed to take them 30 minutes before a workout or 30 minutes before breakfast if it is a rest day.  It is my belief that these share the same chemical composition as speed.  Seriously, it's herbal speed.  I was zinging around the house like a hummingbird.  I expected to break out my toothbrush and scrub the grout in my shower.  Needless to say, my house got tidied up enough that my mother, in her exhaustion, wouldn't give me that pitying look or drop hints about a housekeeper.  (She did, however mention that she has decided I need a Japanese Maple in front of the window where we cut down the tree a few weeks ago.  But that's another story.)  I found a recipe for a sweetened yogurt sauce to go over the fruit using plain yogurt.  Being a freak, I have plain yogurt in my fridge; it's all I eat.  Except for this day.  None.   "Hey", I thought, "sweetened sour cream would work just as well."  Yeah, except the sour cream was, you guessed it, expired.  What the hell is going on in my fridge?  Am I living in a time warp?  What to do, what to do?  What I did have was some cottage cheese and some ricotta.  Okey, doke.  Cottage cheese, ricotta, a dash of milk, sugar, vanilla in a high speed blender and voila!  Fruit sauce!   Everything went along swimmingly, except as I was putting leftovers away, I saw the giant bowl of cranberry sauce still sitting in the fridge.  Well, at least I have an ass ton of cranberry sauce to go with that ass ton of ham.  I put all the drippings from the ham in glass and every time I looked at it I thought of that line in Down Periscope:  

LT Pascal: You think we're all going to jump out of bed in the morning and have a big, hot, steaming cup of PIG FAT?!?
Buckman: Well, it depends, Sir, if it's a cold morning, it could go either way..."

The Peep cake was actually good!  The only problem is that hideous colored icing dyed your skin, your clothes, the plates and pretty much everything else.  I'm sure if I had a colonoscopy they would think I was violently ill.  Or molding, one of the two.  About that cake....yesterday I looked at the remainders and not only had it been de-Peeped, but most of the frosting had been removed.  I questioned my only suspect and his response was it must have been either Sylvester or Bugs, not realizing of course, that I know both the Cat from Hell and Knucklehead McSpazatron lack both opposable thumbs and the capacity for complex problem solving.

SoS told me today that when I died, he would visit my grave every day.  Uuuuhhhh, thanks, bud. 

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