10 October 2009

I hurt myself doing chair dips about 3 months ago and, being the nurse I am, actually went to a doctor to see what the hell was the matter about a week ago.  After some some range of motion experiments and a few x-rays the nurse practitioner decided I needed some home physical therapy exercises and, if those didn't work, we could go to real PT.  Yeah, like that's going to happen.  Those people are evil.  So, I tried the home PT (for about a day) and decided that wasn't going to work.  What I needed, I thought, was those things!  You know, those things, those....whackity balls!  I spent an entire day at work going, "What are those whackity balls?  You know, it has a wooden handle, a flexible metal neck, and a ball at the end and you go whacity, whackity, whackity with them and it makes your muscles feel better?"  No one had a clue what I was talking about.  "Google it!" they said.  Yeah, not Googling whackity balls at work.  "Google 'massage balls'"  Oh, even better.  Then I can get a search return and have Ben-Wa balls show up and a second later the Surf Control Assassination Squad will have me zip tied to a chair with a halogen interrogation light focused on my retinas.  "How about 'massage tools'?"  Are you people trying to get me fired???  I finally cornered our Clinical Nurse Manager (don't call me an Educator; I am Master's trained!  whatever.), and she knew immediately what I was talking about.  Like me on the scent of an apple fritter, she did not give up until she found what I was looking for.

They are called "Bongers" and now I'm really glad I didn't Google them at work.  I got called in at 0400 this morning and had the opportunity to work with my old night shift crew.  I showed them all my brand new Bongers and my Favorite Lesbian said, "Come bang me."  I told her I couldn't because I didn't play for her team, but I would smack the hell out of her back with them.

Here's a question:  is it possible that people absorb semen after sex until they're pregnant when, suddenly, it comes back out and they think their water is broken?  Come on!  You've never noticed this phenomenon until now?  And honey, you are a cute little 20 year old first time mom, but I already know you have sex; no need to have a freak out because your husband told me that you had it this morning.  I'm just saying.

Found some fun pictures while I was bored earlier:
Wow.  A poster than captures my essence

 Save the kittens, kids.  Hands off!

 Adolph Kitler

Bwaaahahahaha!  But, how do you

explain the guys on the end?


  1. where did you buy your new Bong...I mean bongers?

  2. I'm still not getting what the bongs do??

  3. Shan,

    Got them on Amazon, baby! Second favorite store after Target!


    Bongs are used as a vehicle to smoke cannabis... bongers are used to whack knotty muscles. :D


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