I brazenly ripped this off from Commander Salamander. And I did it shamelessly. Cuz it's funny. And that makes it ok.
From: Executive Officer
To: All Chief Petty Officers
Subj: MEMO TO CPO'S
1. It has been brought to the Executive Officer's attention that some Chief Petty Officers throughout the command have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their Division Officers.
2. Due to complaints received from some Division Officers who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with Officers.
3. Therefore, the following list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided from the wardroom so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late. INSTEAD OF: And when the f^ck do you expect me to do this?
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible. INSTEAD OF: No f^cking way.
TRY SAYING: Really? INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh1tting me!
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with... INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh1t.
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project. INSTEAD OF: It's not my f^cking problem.
TRY SAYING: That's interesting. INSTEAD OF: What the f^ck?
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented. INSTEAD OF: This sh1t won't work.
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that. INSTEAD OF: Why the h3ll didn't you tell me sooner?
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues. INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a55.
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir? INSTEAD OF: Eat sh1t and die.
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it? INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a55.
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment. INSTEAD OF: f^ck it, I'm going to the Chief's Club.
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand. INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a55.
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge. INSTEAD OF: This job s^cks.
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that? INSTEAD OF: Who the h3ll died and made you boss?
TRY SAYING: I see. INSTEAD OF: Blow me.
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive. INSTEAD OF: He's a f^cking prick.
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training. INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f^ck you're doing.
Thank You for your assistance in this matter, with a little work we can all communicate with each other more effectively.